I briefly mentioned in a recent post that singleness is more challenging than marriage. And while marriage and singleness are incomparable, I do hold to this mentality and would like to delve further into it. Please know that in this post I take the stance that every marriage is modeling the ideal. I understand that life doesn’t happen in a vacuum, there are plenty of variables that can disrupt the ideal, but for the sake of argument and the inability to expound on every possible outcome life can throw at us, I will be operating with this mentality. Now, onto the post: Continue reading “Why Singles Have It Harder”
I said I would talk about it in my last post. So here it is: A modern elopement sounded so appealing to me– and by modern elopement, I mean more of the concept of a ceremony for just the two of us rather than running off without the blessing of anyone. The intimacy of a small ceremony was utterly appealing, the thought of it being just you, your future spouse, and a minister tucked out somewhere in the woods was beyond tempting. I craved the simplicity of it all– Continue reading “Why We're Having A Wedding “
In college, a friend of mine would pray for blinders–you know, blinders, the little eye patches that horses wear to keep their eyes from looking behind or beside them. It’s to help horse from becoming distracted or panicked by what they see anywhere but ahead. Blinders force horses to keep their gaze fixed firmly ahead. There’s nowhere else to look. I always thought praying for blinders was silly. But I’m finding myself praying for them. And maybe you should too.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with comparison, confidence, and competitiveness, as a writer, as a woman, as a follower of Christ. I find my gaze drifting to the left, I find my gaze drifting to the right. I find myself looking over my shoulder. And you know what I see there? Other people. With gifts and talents and bodies and faces and relationship statuses of their own. Some of which I find myself comparing myself to. She’s thinner than I am, prettier than I am, better dressed than I am. Some of which I find myself getting competitive with. Her writing is getting more attention, she’s writing more than me.
Not only is this kind of thinking and comparison and competition distracting, it’s downright depressing, and seriously dangerous. It takes my confidence and drives it into the ground. It makes me dislike what I see in the mirror. Hate what I write on the page, and I begin seeing others as a threat, they become a distraction, and I’m left panicked that my life isn’t as it should be. That something went wrong when God created me.
And worse, it means my eyes are no longer fixed ahead. No longer looking at Jesus. No longer focused on the plan and purpose God has laid out before me. Proverbs 4:25 says to look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. The writer of Hebrews tells us to strip away the things that will weigh us down in life and keep us from running the race God has set before us. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. It robs you of your contentment. It trips you up in this glorious race of faith that we’re all running.
And worse yet, it’s insulting to God. When we compare ourselves to others, when we put their life side-by-side with our own and we start pointing at all the things that we like better about their life than ours, we’re telling God that we know better. That He, the creator of the Universe, did something wrong when He made you. Talk about a slap to the face. Talk about pride. Talk about selfishness. Talk about coveting. Talk about entitlement. It’s all sin.
If you’re single and find yourself comparing your lack of a significant other to those that are FB official, pray for blinders. When it happens, it will happen in God’s time.
If you’re struggling with how thin or buff you aren’t or how pretty or handsome you don’t think you are compared to so-and-so-apparent-perfect-person, pray for blinders. God knit you in your mother’s womb. He didn’t make a mistake when He created you.
If you’re feeling competitive toward a fellow brother or sister in Christ, pray for blinders. You’re on your own path that God has laid before you. Focus on yourself and your journey.
There is beauty in having blinders. The thing is, we’re all in different stages of life, on different paths, but we all are racing toward the end together. Don’t allow your eyes to wander. It will only make you trip and stumble. We can’t afford to be distracted. When we do it opens a door to the enemy, it sets you back. Pray that your gaze won’t stray from journey ahead. That it will stay laser focused on Jesus.
I struggle with the desire to be perfect at everything, to have time to do everything perfectly. Well reality is calling Lizzy, you just can’t do it all. I guess that notion didn’t dawn on me as I sat at the sewing machine last Saturday, trying to madly finish hemming a baby blanket for a friend’s shower that was happening in little less than an hour, remembering that I had agreed to bake something for it too, I started having a domestic melt down. Continue reading “Do One Thing Well”
By nature, I’m a pretty private person. I grew up being told everything was on a need to know basis and that everyone was entitled to his or her privacy. Which is great. We all need that boundary. There are things people just don’t need to know. But the truth and reality is, privacy comes at a price, one that you may not realize you’re paying until it’s too late. Continue reading “The Price of Privacy”
Life has been crazy recently. Perhaps you can commiserate with me on that. I’m currently working two jobs, and it’s Christmas time, so to say that I’m stressed would be an understatement. Last week, as I looked at my calendar, I realized that I was booked solid until after the New Year. It won’t be until February when I can finally dig myself out of the snowy trenches of holiday parties, weddings, family gatherings, and trips across the state. I bit my lip, thinking about everything I had to do. My laundry was overflowing and I was way behind on all my work. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get things done if I didn’t cut something out.
I’m poor. Please know that it’s by choice, sort of-ish. At one point, I had a great job, on track for a teaching career and God bulldozed that like he tends to do. The thing is, I was working where I was working out of security. I had a beefy paycheck to look forward to every month. I had no budget because I didn’t have to worry about not having money. The more money I had, the more fiscally irresponsible I was. Worse yet, because of that job, I was ignoring my writing and true callings. I was focused on gaining more financial security so I’d never have to worry about money again. I never had to worry about my bills, and it in that security I stopped trusting God and started trusting my paycheck because I felt like I was set.
And God took it all away. Continue reading “3 Reasons It’s Futile To Trust In Money”
The old saying goes, actions speak louder than words. And it’s something I really truly believe, which is funny coming from me. A writer. Who loves words and uses them to convey her thoughts and feelings to the greater population. Logistics really. There is power in words, but they also have the power to divide, to hate, to defile, to be misconstrued. And it’s this misconstruction that really gets me going. It’s so easy to misunderstand what people are saying if it’s not being said well. We can find so many holes in words. Places where we poke our fingers in and say, ‘but what about that?’ It is in these instances, where perhaps words should remain silent and our actions should lovingly express what we couldn’t say. Love in quiet action speaks louder than words.
I love challenging conversations. I love stirring up discussion. I love hearing others’ opinions. I love sharing my opinion (sometimes a little too much). While I chase after these conversations on my own, I don’t think they happen enough. I don’t think we open up topics of discomfort as much as we should because it just seems like one big can o’ worms. And it’s true. There’s a lot in life that is one big can o’ worms that we’re afraid to open because who wants to be covered in worms? Sometimes we leave conversations of this nature feeling terrible and wound up. But we need to talk about the hard stuff. We need our opinions and thoughts to be challenged by opposing viewpoints. Yet having a difficult discussion about politics or theology or social issues can quickly turn sour. So how do you have a quality conversation without it ending in a shouting match or fistfight? It’s all about managing ourselves and taking a particular posture of communication. Here are 6 things that I’ve learned from talking about the hard stuff that have helped diffuse tension:
To any woman who may have read John Piper’s, Should a Woman Preach Next Sunday? article and has been following the debate between Piper, Andrew Wilson, and Tom Schreiner and felt ashamed, degraded, unheard, confused, or oppressed by it, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’ve felt like your voice has been taken away from you. As if the very Spirit that dwells within you has been diminished because He has made His home in a woman. That what you’ve come to understand through your relationship with God has been twisted into disobedience and degradation. I know how it feels because that’s how I feel. I’m tired of not having a say. I’m tired of seeing women told “no” because they’re a woman and supposedly scripture says such and such. So in light of this back and forth Internet debate, I’m coming out. I can’t hold my tongue any longer. So to family, friends, the Internet, and the Church at large: Hello, my name is Lizzy and I’m a feminist for Jesus.