The other night I was in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling as silent tears streamed from the corners of my eyes. I was questioning and pleading with God again. All I wanted was a normal life with things I just didn’t seem destined for anytime soon, like a husband, healthcare, and a job I liked that actually made enough money to save. It was crushing me, my impending mission. I was being asked to do things I didn’t want to do. To set aside deep desires while I watched my single friends slowly slip away into matrimony and climb the ladders of their careers. There was Kingdom work to do and for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to be a part of it. In that fleeting moment of the minute hand ticking towards midnight, I wished to be ordinary. I wished for the human intimacy of a spouse, someone to cuddle up to and wipe away my tears. I wished for the security of a steady income and healthcare so that I would be prepared for the ‘what-ifs’ of life. I wanted these things, because God didn’t feel like enough.
When you uncover a belief issue, it needs your immediate attention. You feel stripped bare. Exposed. And suddenly you have to address that unbelief head on. So this is me colliding with that unbelief. This is me laying it down at the feet of Jesus and asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness from my selfishness, from my unbelief, from putting my earthly desires before the work of the Cross, for thinking for just one millisecond that God isn’t enough and that he doesn’t know what I need. It is so easy to feel like He isn’t enough when the things of this world and the standards of society bombard us. Even our very Church culture becomes entangled in the grey of responsibility and conformity that the world has to offer. As if having a secure financial plan and a well paying job and healthcare and a wife or a husband is what really is going to be enough. But it’s never enough. That’s the thing with the world. It is so unfulfilling so we beg for more. We think that if I just had this or if I had this much money or that house or that guy or that girl, it would all be enough.
But it’s not, because only He is. God is enough. And I say this not as a reminder to you, but as a reminder to me. God is enough. I realize, how brittle faith can be when the wind changes. As things turn south or begin to point north, our reliance and faith, our everything in Christ can so easily be shaken or forgotten. It is in these moments that I must remind myself with every fiber of me, that He is enough, enough for you, enough for me.
Thoughts, questions, concerns? Tell me what you think! Let’s discuss! Leave a comment below. Get a little heated. Agree. Disagree. Throw your opinion out there. Hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m right. It doesn’t really matter, it’s my opinion anyway. I’m just glad you decided to join the conversation.