At some point over the last year, I fell prey to the comforts of provision, something that is rather tempting to a writer. Unfortunately, writing takes time, and doesn’t make you much money. When you’ve used to living on scraps and pulling together loose change from the couch cushions, a constant income is welcomed. The thing is, while I was prosperous and “making it” as a writer, I found my creative outlets suffering, like my personal projects, aka this blog, and my real writing passions wither.
But I kept chasing the paycheck by doing all the writing that was getting me nowhere. And I told myself hey, at least I’m writing. And sure, I was writing, I am writing, but the part I was struggling with was whether I was glorifying God. Since I was using all my writing time for my work writing, I’d have nothing to spare when it came time to my other projects.
It wasn’t until my provisions began to run dry the last month or two that I realized how far off course I’d gotten. December was a the ultimate reality for my volatile career. While I knew becoming a writer was unpredictable money wise and my husband knew that when marrying me, it’s still scary to see your paycheck plummet to an all-time low. And I began to find myself struggling with money, my worth as a writer, and if I was running from God and into the arms of comfort instead. It was a wakeup call. The adulteress caught in the act and I was in bed with the ultimate player: money, comfort, control, and it was driving a wedge between me, God, and my calling.
No longer had I been relying on Him for my provisions. Rather, I had grown comfortable with what I had, a pig content in her little mud puddle. I had let my dreams and visions for my life shrink to the size of the world. While the world doesn’t seem so small, to God it is infinitely smaller in comparison to the richness of His love and will for our lives. It wasn’t until the work dried up that I could finally see how far I’d drifted off course. I can now see the horizon, beckoning me towards its blazing sun, and the unknown adventure that waits beyond what I can see or ever imagine.
Last week, a blog I had written for released their top ten posts of 2016. It was early in the morning when I got the notification for the post. I had woken up well before the alarm, so I opened the article on my phone. I didn’t think I would make it into the ranking, yet there I was to my surprise, sitting in at number ten. It was a revelation for me. My article had made it onto a list among fantastic writers. And it stirred in me new hope for my future, new drive to write the way I had once before. And with it were words of encouragement. To keep writing, to continue to be honest.
So that’s what I’m going to do. Keep writing and be honest. That’s my vision for 2017. What’s yours?