I said I would talk about it in my last post. So here it is: A modern elopement sounded so appealing to me– and by modern elopement, I mean more of the concept of a ceremony for just the two of us rather than running off without the blessing of anyone. The intimacy of a small ceremony was utterly appealing, the thought of it being just you, your future spouse, and a minister tucked out somewhere in the woods was beyond tempting. I craved the simplicity of it all– not having to worry about a venue, the guest list, decorations, flowers, the dress. Oh and money. But the biggest draw of all? Not having to wait. If we chose to elope, we could have been married in a third of the time it takes to plan a wedding, and it’s the engagement I’ve been told which is the most agonizing. By my pastor. But after some tough conversations with family and each other, and lots and lots of prayer, we’ve come to the conclusion that elopement just isn’t for us. Here are 3 reasons we’ve decided to have a wedding:
A Wedding is Biblical–Sort Of
I took a lot of time to delve into what the Bible had to say about weddings. And let me tell you, the word has more to say on the subsequent marriage than the wedding itself. But, we do see a pattern of a wedding timeline in the old testament. These are the 3 c’s: contract, consummation, and celebration. Today, these OT traditions still stand, though they’re done in a different order. Usually contract (engagement/the wedding ceremony), celebration (the wedding and reception), and finally consummation (aka the steamy, sexy, wedding night we’ve all been exaggeratedly promised). At the end of it all, a wedding is more about being gathered around by the people closest to you to celebrate and rejoice in the Lord bringing two people together. And really, you don’t have to wait 7 years like Jacob did to get Leah and then 7 more to get Rachel, the gal he really wanted to marry anyway. So Robert and I waiting 6 months really pales in comparison. You can read more on the 3 C’s here.
A Wedding is an Opportunity to Be Selfless
Being bluntly told by your mother that your wedding day isn’t really about you and your fiancé was a hard pill to swallow. It’s in a lot of ways counter culture to what society tells us about the wedding day, where brides are told that the wedding day is all about them, it’s their time to shine. Through that, In the same way, I realized that elopement for us would be selfish. We were denying our family the opportunity to celebrate with us.
A Wedding Gives You the Opportunity to Be Served
When Robert and I announced our engagement, the amount of excitement from family and friends was overwhelming. And not just the excitement was overwhelming, but the amount of help and generosity that was being offered to us just couldn’t be ignored. I teeter on the side of not wanting to take advantage of people’s service and help on my wedding day. But to blatantly reject their generosity by eloping would have denied Robert and I to experience being joyfully served by those who love us most.
A Wedding Can Still Go Against the Main Stream
I think a big part of why elopement was so enticing was the chance to reject the over-priced monster that modern day wedding culture has become. Paying for unnecessary things like flowers that die the day after, paying out the nose for food that we didn’t really like, pricey venues that start at a base of 3 grand, overpriced dresses for not only bride but the bridesmaids too, and on and on and on, all for a single day seemed like a bit fat waste of money to us. But we’ve realized that with some creative thinking and clever prioritizing, our wedding can still be counter cultural to the maxed out industry that is plaguing our world and the Christian community.
At the end of the day, I realized I have two goals: marry Robert & honor my family. And if I have to plan a wedding of sorts– a really rag-tag, nothing run-of-the-mill type of wedding, so be it. It’s going to be worth it in the end. Or maybe you’ll hear me confessing on here that we just couldn’t take it all and went off to the courthouse.
Thoughts, questions, concerns? Tell me what you think! Let’s discuss! Leave a comment below. Get a little heated. Agree. Disagree. Throw your opinion out there. Hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m right. It doesn’t really matter, it’s my opinion anyway. I’m just glad you decided to join the conversation.