Refocusing Our View of Singleness, From One Single to Another

In times of the singleness woes, it’s easy to lose sight of this precious and gifted time in our lives. I honestly don’t think the Church is doing a very good job with helping out the singles. Sorry Church, just being real. Since marriage is pushed for so hard and uplifted above all and sought for by everyone with fervency, we singles can get a little lost and mislead when it comes to viewing and living out our time in-between. So I guess that means that we need to remind one another about what our mission truly is during this unique place in our lives. I think it’s time for us to take a good long look at our relational priorities. Paul utterly praises singleness in 1 Corinthians 7 and advocates for it. Though we must remember the historical context of the times, (people were getting eaten by lions, man) this scripture is still relevant today. Sure we can even mention how Jesus was single. I don’t think it really matters. Whatever your desire in life, you’re here now and might as well make the best of it. ‘Cause once it’s gone it’s gone for good. There’s no use in griping and moaning or trying to poke at it. Stop worrying about being single. Here are some better ways to be living out your single years:

Be As Selfless As You Can

Normally, we think of our single years as a time to be as selfish as we want. But in reality, the time before marriage is the only time that you can truly be 100% selfless. You don’t have another person to think about when making decisions. Our time, finances, and availability are free for the Kingdom. Since single people don’t have a responsibility for another person beyond God’s expectations of us, we can accommodate others in big ways. Recently, I’ve been using my odd working hours in between my writing to help out a married friend get her errands done or to watch her kiddo. Think of the people in your life that could benefit from whatever you find you have excess of, whether that be time, money, or resources, and be generous with them.

Exercise Your Spontaneous Spirit

I am the very definition of spontaneity and impulsion. Last Spring I bought a ticket to Prague on a whim and traveled around Central Europe for 12 days. Being married locks you into responsibilities that don’t allow for impulsive and spontaneous living to occur. Essentially, marriage kills spontaneity, or so I’ve been told. As singles, we can say, “yes” to just about anything. We can fill those last minute service spots on a Sunday Morning, or be available for a friend when they really need us. My shoulder is always available to cry on, even if it’s 3 AM. And because of our selfless position in life, we are available to make generous choices without needing to worry about how they will affect someone else, like your spouse.

Dream Big, Serve Big

I’m a dreamer. I’m a doer. If I am dissatisfied I dream about it and then put that dream into action. Dream big, serve big. God’s designed us to do that. This means you can think up the wildest of dreams and do it all with God. It can be anything really. Organizing and running a Morning Prayer meeting, starting up and leading a community group in your Church, or maybe something bigger. My friend Alex and I started up our own ministry and run it together. And while Alex is married and has a lot on her plate, because I’m single, I’m able to take on responsibilities that she may not have time for.  

Look Forward to Jesus, Not to Marriage

This is where I struggle and I think most single guys and gals do too. It can be so easy to fix our eyes on the horizon and wait for the rising sun that is marriage. The thing is, that’s just not what our lives are intended for. Sure, marriage is great I’m told, but marriage is still only a temporary and imperfect view of Jesus and the Church. Once the Kingdom comes again, we will no longer be married. What we really need to look forward to and fix our eyes on is Jesus because He satisfies our souls in ways that a spouse never will. This is a reminder for not just the singles, but the marrieds too. Push one another toward Jesus, no matter what your relationship status might be. For that is our true calling and where our true worth lies.

Yes. It sucks sometimes being single. I can absolutely attest to that. But oh my dear singles, you are so precious to the Kingdom. God has called us into unique places that our married friends just can’t go. We are not tied down. We are freer than birds to fly by the seat of the Holy Spirits calling. Do not despair over this time. I just pulled myself off of my living room floor from crying over this. Know that it is okay to cry out to God. He delights in our tears when we bring them to Him. But be prepared to know that He has called you to something wild and free. Enjoy it. Dwell in it. Revel in it. So when that day comes as He ushers you into the arms of matrimony, you can be so confident that you did your work well as you leave your singleness behind. Take these moments for the Kingdom. You have more time than you think. Let’s use it right. For His Glory forever and ever. Amen.


Thoughts, questions, concerns? Tell me what you think! Let’s discuss! Leave a comment below. Get a little heated. Agree. Disagree. Throw your opinion out there. Hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m right. It doesn’t really matter, it’s my opinion anyway. I’m just glad you decided to join the conversation.